Today in the News: What the Fuck?

Today a bunch of fucking cowards voted against the better interest of our nation and along party lines to confirm a woefully ignorant, comically underqualified, blatantly nepotistic choice for Secretary of Education. The only two Republicans to vote against her confirmation were women – I don’t know if that is important, but I do know now that Sen. Susan Collins of Maine and Sen. Lisa Murkowski of Alaska are now the only two Republican Senators to be knocked off Paige’s Big List of Very Dumb and Awful People Who Endanger the American People.

Meanwhile, our President’s BFF signed into law a bill which decriminalizes domestic violence, while our very own, American-as-Apple-Pie Oklahoma state legislators want to unconstitutionally force women to seek permission from their spouses to obtain an abortion. Women: You Marry ‘Em, You Own ‘Em.

Oh, and our First Lady is VERY salty that she doesn’t get to make money off her husband’s questionable and surely ill-fated presidency. No, not because of all those conflict of interest ethics rules the Trumps have made it so clear they have no intention of following, but because of a now-retracted Daily Mail piece that baselessly alleged Melania had once worked as an escort. She has filed a lawsuit against the tabloid claiming the story cost her potentially millions in earnings, and has squandered her “unique, once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity to launch a brand. Okay, I am done with the “Save Melania” thing. Girl, bye.


Anyway, if – much like me – you spent the majority of this article/presidency oscillating between hysterically laughing and hysterically weeping, here are some things to do that may sooth you.

Check out our starter guide to fighting back against this shit.

March again.

Donate to the ACLU.

Donate to Planned Parenthood.

Take a very long shower followed by a very long scream.

Vote these motherfuckers out.


Paige is a founding staff writer for YNBF. She lives in Chicago, does comedy, and dreams of owning a French Bulldog. She’s studying for her GMAT, or maybe writing a TV pilot, or maybe selling all her stuff and moving to Europe. She’ll let you know when she decides. Please send questions, comments, and hate mail to @okay_paige on Twitter. 


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